Why My Mother’s Day Was Like The 40-Year-Old Virgin

So, my Mother’s Day was unexpected. I’ve made it through the last several “first” holidays (post separation, post loss of my Dad) relatively unscathed. In fact, on most of those particular days I have felt surprisingly grateful and uplifted, like, “Yes! I am getting through this! I’m doing great!”But Mother’s Day… I did not see that comin’. Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin. You know the scene, Steve Carrell’s character is riding in the car with the delightfully plastered Leslie Mann who is babbling on and on when they are suddenly struck broadside by another car. To which, with great chagrin, she blurts, “That f—ker came outta nowhere!”So what gives? It’s not a matter of what anyone did or didn’t do. My kids were great, especially given the fact that they are currently surly and appropriately self-absorbed teenagers. My ex came through, helped the kids get a card, offered to take them for the day, and I’m sure reminded them to at least pretend to be engaged in the sentiment of the day.In the week leading up, I participated in or overheard several conversations between women talking about how they wanted to observe Mother’s Day. For some it was wanting to spend a day of quality time with their kids. For many, it was wanting a day OFF from the duties of motherhood. And, for others, it was struggling to find balance between the multi-generational moms jockeying for position in how the day would be observed (the young mom, mother-in law, grandma, etc.) I mean, exactly WHOSE turn is it to have their ideal day? I had set the intention that I was going to try to use the day to embrace the gift I have been given to be the mom of these two great kids, and be all warm and fluffy in that.But what I experienced was really none of the above. Waking up on the day on which we are supposed to celebrate our own mothers, and hope that our own families are celebrating us as mothers, I felt lacking. Depressed. Unworthy.How could I be deserving of celebration if I failed the number one rule of motherhood? Provide a stable family. That and be present all the time and build your life around your kids. But that’s not what I’ve done. I couldn’t keep the family together without sacrificing my true self. I’ve gone out of town a lot lately to pursue a line of work I am passionate about. I’ve overlooked important school dates and left the garage door open and night and missed soccer and basketball games. I don’t qualify for Mother’s Day.We all have a critical inner voice, a band of internal hecklers. I call mine the Peanut Gallery and the fearless leader, Judgy Judgerson, was on a rant most of the day.It got me thinking about all the rules I was taught or made up about motherhood, about what it means to be a “good mom”.  Rules about life in general. And I’m pissed at the rules. The rules ruined my day.I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about rules lately. You’ll see me talk about them in my business and with my clients. Rules take away our possibilities. They are one of several forces I call “Possibility Bandits.” When we don’t “follow” them we have a reason to judge ourselves and beat ourselves up. We do it on the premise that it’s probably what “other people think”, but we are usually meaner to ourselves than anybody else would be, at least publicly.I suppose you could say the Universe presented me with yet another opportunity to “walk the talk”. But I wasn’t prepared, and I failed. And I’m still reeling. Yes, my friends, you heard it here first: Today the coach needs coaching.Before I put pen to paper today (metaphor for fingers to computer keys) I questioned why I am even writing this post. Is it to explain myself? To justify my choices?No, I think it’s simply to forgive myself. I’m curious if any of the other single parents out there felt that way on your first Mother’s or Father’s Day… if so, please share your experiences.And if you’d like to learn more about the “Possibility Bandits” and how you can get them out of your way, please like my Facebook Page, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Michelle-Leath-Possibility-Coach/118589064887366