Who’s Driving this Bus?

I’ve never really thought of myself as “driven” so to speak. Flaky, irresponsible, unmotivated and the bad rebellious kid were some of the labels I was carrying around. At best it was always more like bopping around looking for the next fun experience, trying to find fulfillment. Sure, in my sales days I was motivated to work hard by the lure of a bigger paycheck, but even that was just a means to an end to apply toward the next fun experience. So when a new friend commented the other day that I seem driven, and inquired what drives me, I had to take pause.What exactly is “driven”?  The definition according to dictionary.com is being under compulsion, as to succeed or excel: to strive vigorously toward a goal or objective; to work, play, or try wholeheartedly and with determination.I suppose I’ve always associated “driven” with traditional pathways to success, climbing the corporate ladder, etc. But as I read that definition today, I can see the limitations in that type of thinking.Not long ago I decided to release those false labels by which I’d been defining myself.  I decided that perhaps it was possible that those labels weren’t true. And without those labels taking up space, some other cool stuff came into my life. I found something I like to do. And I remembered that when I really care about something, I’ll work my freakin’ ass off.So what drives me? It’s probably that for the first time in my life I KNOW what I’m meant to be doing. That’s not to say that I have all the hows and details worked out, or even that I’ll do exactly the same thing forever. But I know that I am going in the right direction for me. Sometimes I’m scared to death about my next move but I keep going. It’s as if I don’t have a choice.I guess the drive behind the drive is a desire for authentic connection with other people, an urgency to share and teach about what I’m learning about life, to help other people see things differently that they may also find deeper meaning. I want to help people connect with their possibilities and power. And do I want to be able to support myself and my family, and enjoy a rich, fulfilling life as well? Hell yes! And I know it’s possible because I’ve witnessed it.There’s a saying that pain pushes until vision pulls. And the best way I can describe what drives me now is a pull. It sounds woo woo, I know. There’s some strange universal energy pulling me forward, like a freaky Field of Dreams “If you build it, they will come” sort of thing.But when an opportunity in alignment with that pull presents itself I can’t HELP but say yes. Audition for speaking competition? Yes! Go through coaching program without delay? Yes! Get ready to bare your soul to the world with really raw website copy? Yes (well, maybe).Just yesterday my own coach had me find a heavy piece of furniture in my house to push across the floor to symbolize a commitment I had made to push through some fears that had come up. Leave it to me to seek out the heaviest, most stubborn thing I could find. I think I pulled a hammy.Holy shit, I am driven! When did that happen?