Today marks six months since my father passed away, and I’ve been reflecting on what this year has meant for me. So far 2010 has been one of the most difficult years of my life. With the loss of my Dad, the collapse of my marriage, several financial setbacks, and a couple of other deeply emotional personal experiences that I’ve had in the last 12 months, I have been shaken to my core. I’ve said to myself on more than one occasion, “I feel completely derailed!”Do you know what I mean? Perhaps you’ve experienced it too on some level, like a sudden change in your job situation, or an injury that stops you from participating in the activities you enjoy, or a falling out with a friend. Whatever the scale, one way or another life has thrown you for a loop and you have found yourself saying “WTF?”In the past year I’ve had some dark moments, some serious lows. I’ve cried more since January than I have in many years combined. I’ve spent far more days with puffy eyes than without, and I’ve developed frown lines in places I never knew existed. (Thank God for Botox and lemon water, because I am almost vain enough to suppress my emotions to avoid looking like crap all the time.) And I’ve had that recurring sense of being derailed, and of being pretty darn angry about it at times. This isn’t what I’d planned! I was cruising along just fine! Then shit happened and I was knocked off track.But strangely, what I’m noticing now is that I feel more connected to myself and more “on track” than I can remember feeling in a very long time – possibly ever. I’m finding out what I’m made of, I’m learning what’s really important to me, and I’m stepping up to what scares me the most and walking into it. Through all the challenges of the last year I have become reacquainted with who I am on a deeper level. Quite possibly, the truth is that I had gotten “off track” within the framework of the life and lifestyle that had become familiar to me. I had been in a bubble of comfort and predictability (and if I’m being honest – numbness). Maybe that cruise control mode had really steered me off course. And the experience of being DE-railed, was actually what I needed to get RE-railed.And so I’m starting to believe it’s the unexpected events and changes in life – the crappy, uninvited stuff that makes you question everything you know about your life and yourself – it’s that which has the greatest potential to get you closer to where you belong. When you get that sense of being knocked off track, even if it hurts like hell, if you let in the possibility… it just may be the opportunity you need to realign your course and step into a fuller version of who you really are, and where you want to go.What do you think? Have you ever felt derailed? Do you think it’s possible that it actually helped you get back on track in some way?
Michelle Leath
