Self Worth. It’s not something we consciously think about that often but it’s always flying right below the radar. It’s connected to every single choice we make.
I talk to so many women who will tell me that they feel worthless because they can’t control their eating, stick to a diet or get their weight where they want it to be. Some of them are rocking every other area of their lives, and yet they just can’t solve this frickin’ food thing and it’s killing them and threatening to bring down the whole house of cards.
And I’ve worked with countless others who find themselves putting everyone else’s needs above their own, refusing to spend a dime of their hard-earned money on themselves, and accepting crumbs in relationships or jobs that drain them because they dare not ask for anything more.
Of course it’s hard it’s hard to feel like we are worth much when we keep making choices we regret. And it’s hard to make healthy, nourishing choices for ourselves when we don’t feel like we are worth much. Are you starting to see the rub here?
But you know what, ladies? Our souls are at stake. And nobody can raise our self worth except ourselves. Self worth, just like money, or food or love, comes from a simple recognition and exchange of value. When we recognize the value that we bring to our lives and to the lives of others – not because of what we DO but because of who we ARE – our self-worth naturally goes up.
When our self-worth goes up, we speak our truth more fluently, we stop tolerating people and situations that drain us (in fact they often drop out of our lives on their own because they sense our energy has shifted). We ask for that raise at work or go for that promotion because we believe we deserve it. We go out on that date and just be ourselves because we know we have a lot to offer and we know one guy’s opinion doesn’t define us or our ability to find love.
And when we value ourselves, we naturally find ourselves gravitating toward healthy choices for our bodies. We trust our own inner authority over someone else’s rules, and we have the confidence to relax and enjoy feeding and moving our bodies in ways that deeply nourish us. As one of my clients said to me recently after she had effortlessly ditched fast food and started cooking beautiful healthy meals for herself, “I’m finally becoming someone I want to take care of.”
I’ll be open with you: for the 20 years I spent struggling with bulimia my self worth was in the toilet. (Literally.) Since then I’ve done a TON of personal growth work to raise my own self-worth. Invested thousands and thousands of dollars, I kid you not. So it’s been a long road back.
But along the way I’ve discovered some gems that have profoundly impacted the value I place on myself, my desires and the gifts I bring to the world. Here are my Top 3 – These are the crème de la crème, the ones that have helped me the most to get a body-sense of self worth.
So behold, my “Greatest Hits” of Self Worth Boosters, neatly wrapped in a 21-Day Challenge:
- Every morning for 21 days, before you get out of bed, send love to yourself out into your day. Think of the things you have planned for the day, the challenges you might encounter, the experiences you might enjoy, and send love there to meet you. To imagine yourself worthy and supported by your own love is HUGE. This has helped me time and time again when I get a curve ball thrown at me in my day. It’s such a comfort to know that my own love is there to meet me.
- Every day, make a list of 3 things you value about yourself. Qualities that you have like courage, compassion, special talents, ways that you show up for people that enrich you (not deplete you). Be specific. If body image is a challenge for you, include specific things you value about your body and what it enables you to experience: how your arms enable you to embrace in a soft hug or how your belly creates the most awesome belly laugh. As one mentor said to me a few years ago, “Don’t scorn your gifts.” Bring them into your awareness and don’t discount them just because they are familiar to you.
- Every night before you go to bed, make a list of some of the ways you added value in the world that day. This may include ways you created value that you were monetarily compensated for as well as ways you simply touched someone’s life. Did you listen to a friend, smile at a stranger, share a bit of wisdom? Write it down and begin to see just how valuable you are (I’ll include writing this article and coaching my clients on my list this evening!)
- Bonus tip: Be willing to RECEIVE. We often discount the value that is coming our way when we don’t value ourselves. Practice the art of receiving every day by simply saying “thank you” to compliments, gifts or offers of support. Or one of my favorites, every time you receive money or a special desire fulfilled, place one hand on your heart, the other palm face up in front of you and declare your gratitude to the Universe.
When you bathe yourself in the flow of value, everything changes. In fact, the results of these practices are often instantaneous. Imagine the kind of magic that can unfold in 21 days!
Have any other tips for boosting self worth or want to let me know how these work for you? Leave me a comment below!
#1 from Madisyn Taylor of the Daily OM
#2 and #3 from “Money, A Love Story” by Kate Northrup
