The Great Love I Waited 20 Years To Find
I am in love! Maybe it’s just a dopamine or serotonin rush, but I am engaged in an affair that brings me so much pleasure, and that fills me with so much creativity, excitement, and sensuality, that I am as giddy as a teenager. The best part is that I get it on with my love at least 3 times a day, usually more, and there’s no chance of the passion drying up!
Who is this knight in shining armor, you ask?
It’s Food. Yep, that’s right. (Hey, I never said it was a dude.) How could I possibly be so excited about something so mundane… well, because for the 20 years that I struggled with bulimia, my relationship with food was not just strained, but downright painful. I was terrified of food. On the one hand it was the one constant I could turn to distract myself from painful feelings, to numb out. But on the other hand it was the enemy. I believed food = fat, and fat = no love, acceptance, success, self confidence, attention…(you get the point). I had so many rules around food – what was acceptable to eat, what was forbidden, etc. that I could literally never win. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
But today I am free of those bonds, and I have rediscovered food as a tremendous source of pleasure, nourishment, and fun. I love getting creative with food and playing with new recipes. I love seeking out the highest quality ingredients I can find and preparing a meal that not only tastes delectable, but after which I can literally feel the nutrients flooding my cells with nourishment and support. I love letting my daily dose of dark chocolate melt in my mouth slowly and sensuously (ooh, I got a little turned on writing that). I see beauty in a colorful plate of food – the more colorful the better! Most of all I am grateful to food for being patient with me all those years, and for being not just one of the great loves of my life, but the love that gives me life.
It’s good to be free.
xoxo
Michelle
