What would you wish for if you could have anything you wanted in your life? And how would you feel if you got it? That’s what is coming up for me this week as I reflect on how much my life has changed in the past year.When I think about where I was last November, it seems that I had been in a constant struggle to be “less like me.” I was emotionally numb, suppressing my feelings because I didn’t think they were acceptable. I either hid or apologized for my desires and ambitions because they seemed to threaten those closest to me. I continued working at a job that I had never been passionate about, “for the money,” then promptly blew most of that money on stuff to fill up the void. At times I felt twinges of jealousy at the happiness and successes of my friends. I was swimming against the current, trying to do what I thought I should do and trying to feel what I thought I should feel. It wasn’t working.It was around this time that a couple of unexpected twists of fate presented me with opportunities to reconnect with qualities in myself that I had loved but lost sight of because of all the shoulds. I was reintroduced to the Michelle that was joyful, loving, generous, expressive, insightful, ambitious, capable, funny, warm, and accepted. And although the realization that I had been living out of alignment with my true self brought a lot of pain (and some tough decisions), it opened the door to a super-highway of self discovery and freedom to redesign my life.That’s where the wishing comes in. In March a life coach acquaintance turned me on to a book on new moon astrology. Apparently the period of the new moon each month is a powerful time to make wishes for what you want to manifest in your life. I figured I could use all the help I could get, so I decided to give it a try. I feel like a walking cliché for female midlife crisis – suburban soccer mom turns new age! But I have always had a fascination with mystical things. Maybe I’m really just a hippie in yuppie clothes (and secretly I love that there’s more to me than meets the eye).But here’s the thing – the wishing has been working. Seriously. These aren’t the kind of wishes like I want to win the lottery. I’ll share a few of mine: I want to find myself filled with feelings of loving self-worth in every area of my life. I want to stand free of critical judgements of myself and others. I want to find myself filled with the courage to make changes in my life that will enable me to achieve my dreams. Miraculously, I have started to experience this and more, and as I am finding my wishes come true I am simultaneously amazed and terrified.In his book The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks describes what he calls the “Upper Limit Problem,” which is a skewed threshold of how much happiness, success and abundance we are willing to allow ourselves. Subconsciously we don’t think we deserve it, or we are afraid of outshining others, and so when things are going well we do something to jack it up. We start an argument, throw our money away, dwell on negative thoughts, or some such thing to bring ourselves down. Bingo! I am already experiencing more magic, happiness and gratitude in my life than ever, and I don’t know how much more I can take! As I work on crafting new wishes each month I feel guilty asking for more. Am I really worthy of being the person I have always longed to be – happy, self-assured, successful, generous, with good relationships, and making a difference in the world? It’s starting to look that way and it scares me. Sounds like I need to add a new wish to the list: I want to easily find myself becoming be the kind of person who can accept (and share) unlimited blessings and joy. The coolest part about this is that I had almost given up on my dreams. So I know that if I can finally start to experience some of my deepest desires coming true after all these years, then anybody can achieve this. All you have to do is believe you deserve it. Oh, and try the wishing book.http://www.amazon.com/New-Moon-Astrology-Secret-Astrological/dp/0553380869/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1288743239&sr=8-2http://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288743272&sr=1-1
Michelle Leath
Good job!