Today we land the plane on the year that was 2015. And OMG what a flight it’s been!
There have been periods of intense turbulence, stuff that brought me to my knees and challenges that brought me face to face with some of my deepest fears and forced me to dig deep inside myself just to show up. I sure as heck wanted to jump out of the plane!
At times it’s felt like being stacked up over Dallas, circling around and around my dreams with the intense frustration of being unable to touch down, stuck in a holding pattern that seemed to have no end.
And there have been unexpected course adjustments and turns – just a couple of months ago I had no idea I’d be writing this from a new home!
But there have also been periods of soaring to new heights – enjoying views I’d never seen before, full of possibility and satisfaction and that overwhelming feeling of – “OMG, this is exactly what I’ve always wanted!”
And tonight, in deep gratitude, I’m coming in for a beautiful soft landing with a cozy evening at home with my man. (Yeah, I know I’m getting a little carried away with the airplane metaphor but it kinda works!)
As I look back on the year, one of the biggest questions I’m asking is, “Did I live fearlessly?” I mean, if I’m always talking about living and eating fearlessly I ought to be walking the talk, right?
The answer is yes… and no. I’ve definitely got the “eat fearlessly” part down, but this whole “live fearlessly” piece is another story.
There we certainly times fear got the best of me. It paralyzed me from moving forward in my business for about 3 months after a venture that didn’t go the way I’d hoped. And yet, if I’m kind to myself I recognize that it was my capacity to live fearlessly that led me to volunteer for that venture in the first place. I knew I was stretching out of my comfort zone. And when I realized I needed more skills and support in that area, and I’d had enough of the fear paralysis, I hired a coach to help me with it. No running away for this gal!
I for sure let fear interfere in my relationships at times, as learning how to ask for what I truly want, receive support, and communicate authentically are things I’m still working on. But I made progress, and I committed myself more deeply than ever to growing who I’m BE-ing in my relationships. I invested in support and I discovered a level of devotion that I didn’t know I was capable of.
During my biggest challenge of the year, I was so overcome by fear that I lost countless hours of sleep, cried till I had no more tears, and even lost hair! Of course it all worked out in the end, so looking back I see just what an unnecessary expense of energy that was.
I had to ask myself – am I putting my faith in myself and in positive outcomes, or am I putting my faith in fear? On that one the answer was painfully obvious – but it was a great lesson.
So yeah, there were times I got derailed by fear. And there were even more times that I turned into those fears with my eyes and heart open and a desire to grow through them.
Fearless doesn’t mean without fear. It doesn’t mean fear never bites you in the ass.
It means being kind and compassionate with yourself when you are afraid.
It means feeling fear and showing up anyway. Not perfectly, not always immediately, but you can always find the places where you have shown courage, and where you have the opportunity to be bigger than that fear.
On this final day of 2015, I invite you to reflect on these questions:
- Where were you fearless in 2015?
- How can you live (and eat) more fearlessly in the year ahead?
- What will that allow you to do, be or have?
- What do you need to let go of in order to achieve that?
- What support do you need to allow in?
- How will that change your life?
You see, such as it is in this journey called life, we may think we are in control of the plane, but in reality it’s best to sit back, fasten your seatbelt, knock back a quick bloody mary and a pouch of peanuts and enjoy the flight.
Wishing you your most nourishing year yet!